Reply posted by the author Song Ji Na
(translated into English from WaterWeed’s work 8th September 2016)
July 27, 2016
Somebody emerged again from the Q&A blog and made accusations, so I thought no matter what happens, I ought to talk about this matter …
Perhaps I would be the person who should want to read “Faith” Book Three most of all.
(The title of this post is “A Plea”, so I should write to plead for myself … )
Whenever I sit down and begin to write, it becomes difficult.
Very … difficult.
The reasons are many … and various. The biggest wall of all is …
Just a few days ago, it was the third anniversary of the death of Kim Jong Hak, the director. I attended his second anniversary (rite). This time I did not.
Even though there are reasons here and there
But the main reason is that my heart is weary.
So I took the hot day as an excuse to drink beer.
I could not get drunk and I ate too much. In the middle of the night, clatter, clatter, I looked for medication for indigestion.
Whenever I pick up my pen to write “Faith”, a certain scene would emerge.
When I was writing “Faith”, I really did not treat the director very well.
I would not let him shoot it this way.
I would not let him do it that way.
When I called him, I did not have a good attitude. I even made it difficult for him when I went to see him.
Obviously, I knew generally what the shooting location was like and I still behaved that way.
I only remember my poor attitude.
“It’s alright. Very well. That looks smart. Thank you for shooting the scenes this way.”
Words like these, I did not remember saying.
When we were shooting “Faith”, it did not seem like I have said these words to him.
I sulked alone and it did not seem to matter even after the broadcast of “Faith” had ended.
Before it happened, I received a call from him.
He had asked for a favour that was difficult.
I said I would prepare well and asked him to please contact me when the time came. But then there were no more calls from him.
After the director passed away, I kept hearing the phone ring for quite some time.
All of a sudden the phone would ring and I would try to find my mobile phone in a hurry.
All I could see was the black monitor and not even a single missed call.
And then, I would suddenly begin to talk to myself and nobody was around.
… I should have called you first.
No matter how I made it difficult for him, the director had always been as firm as a rock. You could not persuade him.
Because that was just the way he was.
Just the way he was.
A year passed. Perhaps I would grow numb when two years have passed.
Mmm … even when I think about it, and it could only be … that way … and then perhaps it will pass …
But I have made it difficult for him so many times, I still cannot get over it.
Book Three of “Faith” is suspended at page 121.
It was an action scene of Choi Yong.
Because of that scene, I made it quite difficult for the director.
The words I said to him emerged one after another.
And right before me … the director looked weary sitting opposite me at the table during the meeting.
So whenever I opened up the draft of Book Three of the “Faith, I have always tried to avoid time and again this scene … and I dragged it on to this day.
This is really … a ridiculous plea, isn’t it?
But pleas have always been ridiculous anyways.
So shamelessly I posted this.
When would I be able to hold onto Book Three and Book Four of “Faith” and wave them about … quietly …
It would be nice if I could bring them to where the director is now
Really … that would be good. And I would also …
Geneva: Finally she comes face to face with her regrets.