A Plea from the Author of “Faith”


Reply posted by the author Song Ji Na

(translated into English from WaterWeed’s work 8th September 2016)

 

“A Plea”

 

July 27, 2016

 

Somebody emerged again from the Q&A blog and made accusations, so I thought no matter what happens, I ought to talk about this matter …

 

Perhaps I would be the person who should want to read “Faith” Book Three most of all.

 

However …

(The title of this post is “A Plea”, so I should write to plead for myself … )

Whenever I sit down and begin to write, it becomes difficult.

 

Very … difficult.

 

The reasons are many … and various. The biggest wall of all is …

 

Just a few days ago, it was the third anniversary of the death of Kim Jong Hak, the director. I attended his second anniversary (rite). This time I did not.

Even though there are reasons here and there

But the main reason is that my heart is weary.

So I took the hot day as an excuse to drink beer.

I could not get drunk and I ate too much. In the middle of the night, clatter, clatter, I looked for medication for indigestion.

 

Whenever I pick up my pen to write “Faith”, a certain scene would emerge.

 

When I was writing “Faith”, I really did not treat the director very well.

I would not let him shoot it this way.

I would not let him do it that way.

When I called him, I did not have a good attitude. I even made it difficult for him when I went to see him.

Obviously, I knew generally what the shooting location was like and I still behaved that way.

 

I only remember my poor attitude.

 

“It’s alright. Very well. That looks smart. Thank you for shooting the scenes this way.”

Words like these, I did not remember saying.

When we were shooting “Faith”, it did not seem like I have said these words to him.

 

I sulked alone and it did not seem to matter even after the broadcast of “Faith” had ended.

Before it happened, I received a call from him.

He had asked for a favour that was difficult.

I said I would prepare well and asked him to please contact me when the time came. But then there were no more calls from him.

 

After the director passed away, I kept hearing the phone ring for quite some time.

All of a sudden the phone would ring and I would try to find my mobile phone in a hurry.

All I could see was the black monitor and not even a single missed call.

And then, I would suddenly begin to talk to myself and nobody was around.

… I should have called you first.

 

No matter how I made it difficult for him, the director had always been as firm as a rock. You could not persuade him.

Because that was just the way he was.

Just the way he was.

 

A year passed. Perhaps I would grow numb when two years have passed.

 

Mmm … even when I think about it, and it could only be … that way … and then perhaps it will pass …

But I have made it difficult for him so many times, I still cannot get over it.

 

Honestly,

 

Book Three of “Faith” is suspended at page 121.

It was an action scene of Choi Yong.

Because of that scene, I made it quite difficult for the director.

The words I said to him emerged one after another.

And right before me … the director looked weary sitting opposite me at the table during the meeting.

 

So whenever I opened up the draft of Book Three of the “Faith, I have always tried to avoid time and again this scene … and I dragged it on to this day.

 

This is really … a ridiculous plea, isn’t it?

But pleas have always been ridiculous anyways.

So shamelessly I posted this.

 

When would I be able to hold onto Book Three and Book Four of “Faith” and wave them about … quietly …

It would be nice if I could bring them to where the director is now

Really … that would be good. And I would also …

 

Geneva:  Finally she comes face to face with her regrets.

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Responses to A Plea from the Author of “Faith”

  1. Geneva’s wishes to Ms Song or anyone for that matter likewise with as much regret as just about anyone else:

    We all have regrets. Contrary to words of consolation, they never pass in time, not even the seemingly lesser ones and they can remain as fresh a wound as it were years ago as if it were yesterday and can still hurt. Remember the time you neglected to be kind to those whom you can help, or rubbish that you could have picked up on the way but ended up ignoring, however, suddenly waking up in the quietness in the dead of the night, it came back to haunt you and you hoped that no one had actually tripped over… Deeds and words you wished never were or you had ever delivered. If it did not bother you, that is fine also. Not that you are mean or heartless, but that is life and you are, just like anyone, coping with what life we make of it. When we do care and had seized the moment to do whatever comes our way, don’t be arrogant and a show off. But when we don’t, grow up. Don’t linger on what might have been. Lacking in resilience may be a problem. Remember that nothing anyone or you can do will change things or turn the clock back because in the here and now, it is a done deed. You will never forget and others may not either. Don’t dwell on forgetting the past because it is impossible and you will end up hurting yourself trying too hard. Other than rising from the experience and be wiser or more careful, atone and make amends, there is all but one thing left to do – move on…

    Tomorrow should be better because you have decided to move on.

    • darcydevenus says:

      what you say is true. But sometimes, it takes a while to get the strength to actually move on. Everyone does in their own time. Maybe she felt she needed to atone for her carelessness. She’s learned, we’ve learned; This is why we are here. To learn. When she’s able to get back up, she’ll be stronger for it. I know it. It’s not a sympathy thing, it’s an empathy thing.

      • darcydevenus says:

        I think she will get up, and write. I think she’s ready. ^^ A new day has come. Wouldn’t it be funny if it were the five year mark… that’s how long CY waited for his lady. ^^

  2. pink sapphire says:

    It’s sad. Didn’t know that she had this problem. I hope she will get over it one day in future.

  3. darcydevenus says:

    I’m so glad that she posted. That she’s considering… that maybe we have a window… of hope. I don’t know what the future holds, but I can understand regret. I am so sad for her. For him, and the whole production crew. May God grant her the peace. The weary, the all. Thanks for posting, and thanks to you and Waterweed… like normal. ^^ You did amazing work!

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